JOURNALING CHALLENGE: DAY 5…ish

the-challenge

Three Things I’m Grateful For:

  1. My Weird Sleep Schedule:   My sleep problems are legendary. But in the last week, I’ve worked out this weird schedule which is starting to work in my favor.  I’ll have to moderate it, but I’m getting things done, which, of course, is like one of the pinnacles of my motivations in life.
  2. Calmness:   My life is NOT always calm.  It’s important to note that, though of course I have problems, life in general is relatively quiet right now, which is always a good thing.  Tomorrow they could be a world of awful.
  3. One Moment in Time:  This is important to take stock of, because, right or wrong, I always feel like everything is about to come tumbling down and it will all be taken away from me.  But if that indeed did happen, from my cardboard box in an alley somewhere or a prison cell in prison, I could tell people about that time I was a paid professional in my field, entrusted with major things that millions of people ended up using.  That’s something in and of itself.

 

Three Things That Would Make Today Great

  1. Being all but done with my major project:  The minutia of my major project right now is driving me nuts.  I want to be done with it. If I could get the major look and feel of my current app completed today, I could focus on tinkering with the final functionality.  Ultimately, I want to get this thing off of my plate.
  2. Quality Time With the Wife:  Because of my sleep schedule, I haven’t had a lot of time with my wife.  I don’t want to neglect her.  Some time today would great.
  3. Normal Sleep:  Yeah, my sleep schedule has been working out for me, but really, I need to get on something normal moving forward.  It will take a toll on some part of my life sooner or later.

 

How Well Did You Sleep Last Night

  • Pretty good. I felt rested most of the day, though it did wear on me, because I’m sleeping in the early evening now instead of late at night like a normal human being.

 

What Is One Thing You Want To Accomplish Today

  • I want to get the minutia of my app completed and off of my plate so I can finalize the functionality and be done with this thing.

 

What Is On your Mind Right Now?

  • I have this creeping dread coming on.  It’s like something bad is going to happen soon.  It may well for all I know.  I think it’s related to my lack of faith in my tech abilities.  I’m constantly worried I’m about to hit major requests from clients that I have no idea of how to do, which is made even worse now that a lot of people are depending on me.  I want to do my best, but it’s old worry that creeps up, what if it’s only a matter of time before my best isn’t only not quite good enough, but miles away from not quite good enough.

 

3 to 5 things Making You Most Uncomfortable

  1. My Sleep Schedule.

    I still want to get back on a normal sleep schedule.  It’s going to be a problem if I don’t do something about it.

    • If this were to get under control today and was the only thing I accomplished it would greatly make things better in the near future as I imagine I could focus better, but it wouldn’t do the other vital work I need to do.
    • Moving this forward is just about absolutely necessary for me to continue to function. I worry of what will happen if I keep on this slide.
  2. I need an Oil Change.

    I’m at that point where I’m slightly past due for an oil change, and every mile I drive I’m just certain my engine is going to burst into flames.  I can’t find time to get to the oil change place (which means I don’t have time to do it myself).  I think I can make it to next week, but really, I need to get it done this weekend.

    • If this was the only thing I addressed today, I’d feel better about my car for 3 months.
    • Moving this forward would take a load off of my mind and make sure my car continues to run smoothly.  It’s one of those things that wouldn’t impact much else if I did it, but would impact everything if I didn’t do it.
  3. Regular Money Schedule.

    I have this weird pay thing set up with my client based on product review.  But I want to finalize an agreement to get paid regularly, since I’m supposed to get paid whether he likes my work or not.  He can hire a different developer if he doesn’t like it.  I have a weird feeling this is going to become a bigger issue.

    • If this was the only thing dealt with today likely it would change everything one way or another.  Either a) I wouldn’t be long for working with this client any more or b) I would be getting paid at more regular intervals which would make planning things easier.
    • Moving this forward would give me some clarity, but I feel it has to be approached at the right time.
  4. Focus:  

    I’m hyperfocused on my work and little else right now.  I want to be able to focus on life in general with work as a part of it.   But right now, life is this hazy thing outside of my work: I have things coming up that relate to home life, but everything is really focused on work.  This may be because work is so linear; I can track it and see where things are developing.  With my home life, it’s too and fro (more fro recently).  Also, my client is very forward thinking, which leads me to view the work coming up in context in addition to the work now.  I’d kind of like to have that same way of viewing everything in my life.

    • If this was the only thing I dealt with today it would make everything better.  Life is interdependent: work reflects meaning and finances which effects  how I spend my time which effects how I don’t spend my time which effects what I’m able to do which affects things that pull at me for not doing them and on and on.  It’s hard to see how i could get a handle on it today, but it seems like it would make everything better if I did.
    • Moving this issue forward would change everything for the better.
  5. Medication is running out.   I need to get a refill on my prescriptions. I’m not sure when I can get that done.  I’m likely going to run into a situation where I will need it and not have it.  Oi.

 

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