I’ve written about this topic before, but given that it’s that time of year where undergrads and high school students alike are graduating to the “real world” (though high school students will graduate to “unreal” college life and undergrads will graduate to “unreal” starter jobs), I think it’s time to revisit the whole thing again.
One of the things to this very day I find most frustrating about being somewhat successful and an “adult” is hearing other adults and successful types tell younger generations about how invalid their lives are, how they don’t know about how the “real” world works. Usually, these speeches are complete with a laundry list of how stupid and unrealistic the daily practices of the said lowly group are,…how invalid they are, how silly these folks have been to believe that’s how the world really works, how hell is coming now.
Here’s an example I talked about last year that got the blogosphere all up in boners for telling youth what everyone has really wanted to tell them:
To any youth listening to these douches, let me make it simple: whenever some adult or authority figure starts telling you about the way the “real” world works, watch your wallet and quickly stop listening, because you’re hearing bullshit.
As I noted in that earlier post, this is all bullshit. It’s about self-hatred for the person talking, an expression of all the frustrations and realizations of how he or she got fucked over coming up and how dare these young whipper snappers think they’re any better. The amount of cum that sprayed wistfully all over the faces of such people from the mighty dongs of the early 20-something computer visionaries that made more money in a year than these haters made in a life time cannot be measured by shear volume alone. The founders of upstarts like Apple or Facebook or Google have put the lie to that absurd notion. In fact, one of the sadder things about such upstarts is sooner or later, you started hearing those people tell everyone else about what the “real” world was like because only they knew since they were that successful.
But that’s what it’s all about: exploitation of power. ”I have power. You do not. Therefore, I have special knowledge you don’t have but should. The reason you don’t have my special knowledge is attributable only to the fact that you’ve bought into a lie (not that I’m lucky or a product of my environment or talents, nope just shear belief). In other words, what you’ve been doing all these years is ridiculous and you’re going to get royally fucked if you keep doing what you’re doing. Because hell is coming. Your life til now has been invalid. You and your beliefs do not now, nor have they ever counted for anything other than pawns to be maneuvered by true power (those that know “the truth”) like me.”
That sounds brutal, sure. But if you got a boner and sense of self-righteousness from El Douche’s talk up there, that’s implicitly the argument you’re agreeing with, and therefore, you’re suggesting you yourself are invalid. We’ve come full circle. That’s right, ultimately, homeboy is telling the younger generation “I”m a douchebag and we’re all fucked because we don’t really know anything except that we don’t know anything.” Because, really, if this guy was true power, he’d be busy at his conference like Steve Jobs telling us all how we’re going to be using a new type of phone next year whether we like it or not. Jobs didn’t have to tell anyone about the real world. He was creating it one step at a time.
But if we don’t really know anything except that we don’t know anything, if we’re going to defer to the most powerful people in society as the only truly valid people with “real” knowledge and “real” things to say, this guy and those like him should just shut the fuck up because they’ve already agreed implicitly they don’t have the right to talk.
All Philosophy, No Science
Remember this scene from Real Genius
This is where Val Kilmer’s character tells Mitch about how the guy living in the dungeon-like tunnels under the college cracked because he couldn’t accept when his way of approaching the world was shown to be profoundly backwards. As it is said, “He though his answers were the answers for everything: All science, no philosophy…..wrong.”
Talks where adults tell the younger generation of how their lives aren’t real and how they don’t really know anything follow a similar logic, though in reverse: All philosophy, no science. These people are just bloviating on some nonsensical idea they’ve come up with. Why? Because the scientific data does not line up with what they’re saying at all.
The science is quite strikingly against them. As I’ve talked about before, it’s been known from studies for a while that incoming college classes are becoming more impressive every year to college recruiters…NOT MORE STUPID. Speaking of stupid, we also know that generations are, at least by IQ testing measures, getting smarter as those testing companies have to recalculate their means as the average IQ slightly increases. I could keep going with a long list of things the younger generations are doing that are impressive, but that’s not my point really.
My point is these same people that tell the younger generations they are not special and the real world is about to chew them up and spit them out never seem to work into their conversations a list of alarming statistics about the younger generations. That’s because they really can’t. Most of the problems of younger people are actually created by older people. So, a fucked up economy isn’t their fault, and their lagging job prospects aren’t their fault, and a growing deficit and aging population isn’t their fault, the lack of savings in an increasingly comodified world (a world in which some “unnecessary things” like cell phones and cars are actually quite required. Sure, you don’t HAVE to have the internet, but good luck doing the extra work at home to get ahead at your job that’s required under the table) isn’t really their fault. Increasing barriers to job market entry like requiring phd’s in order to make cappucino’s certainly aren’t their fault.
In fact, in spite of all of these things, we do see some things the younger generations are doing that are impressive to deal with these facts like saving more and beginning to take on less debt overall. Those responses to real problems can only mean one thing, young people are inherently involved in the “real world.”
It is my suggestion that A) people telling the younger generations that their lives thus far haven’t been real are required to shut the fuck up because they’ve already implicitly agreed they don’t have the right to tell anyone anything and B) they should marry philosophy and science in order to do their talks. Otherwise….watch your wallet.
YOU ARE REAL
Let me make this claim: YOU ARE REAL.
You are real. Your life is real. Your dreams of the future are real. Your experiences up until now have been real. Your expectations are real. You count. You are valid.
Not that you’re super special in comparison to others, as their lives are real too: They also count. It’s just that you’re good enough. Sure, tomorrow things will be slightly different, but that’s true for that assmunch telling you about how much life’s going to suck too. Sure, you’ll realize that some people have been lying to you the whole time, but some other douchenozzle telling you about how brutal the real world is will figure out someone else has been lying to him the whole time too. You’re life is just as real and meaningful and as valid as the person speaking, except fuck him because at least you’re not telling him he doesn’t count.
I used to have to talk to teenagers for one of my earlier jobs all the time, and I was always struck by how they were reluctant to really tell me what they preferred for many things. They were reluctant to even tell each other really. I mean, sure, they’d tell someone they were into said band or something, but it was always with a nod to the fact that such things might change. Ask them what they think about “the debt ceiling” issue and they go blank, not because they don’t know anything about it; I found they knew just as much as the average person really, but because they thought they didn’t know anything. They had been trained that their life, their thoughts, their beliefs, their very being wasn’t good enough to speak yet. They weren’t good enough. They weren’t real.
And that expression of belief is the very nature of that awful game I implore everyone not to play. Because though people graduate and get a little power, they never truly stop feeling that way unless they gain obscene amounts of power. And I feel power should not decide whether one’s life is valid or not. You are real regardless of whether you have 5 dollars or 500 million dollar, whether you have an IQ of 70 or an IQ of 170, of whether you are a model or a general or server at Wendy’s. Your life is real and interacts with the world. You always mattered, people just told you (and continue to tell you) your life isn’t quite good enough yet. Fuck them and the horse they rode in on.
STOP THE DOUCHENESS, I WANT TO GET OFF
I used to drugs and get blasted with a lot of different people in high school and college (and last week). The bizarre thing these days is to see people that were really into listening to the Cure while on LSD the week before finals now openly talking about how the younger generations don’t know shit. Sigh.
Please…just stop. Just. Stop.
So, smack at the beginning of the year, I was in this really bad car accident. I got jacked up with and could do nothing but that stupid old man duck walk you see guys with canes call “swagger” but the rest of call “Oh you poor pathetic bastard.” I had to do some rehab to get myself back in peak physical condition (able to lie prone on Saturday s and watch sports in my underwear).
But my poor poor car. That poor thing got toe up from the flo up (floor and flo don’t really look right in written text). I mean, what the hell? I didn’t deserve it, but my poor car certainly didn’t deserve it.
Just for reference, I have a decent car. Not super nice, but swank in it’s own way. I’m not a car person, but I do like having my car.
To you, it might look like this:
But to me, it was awesome like this:
But after the wreck, it was more like this:
I was on foot patrol for a couple of months (not really, I had a loaner) but still. I was not happy.
Then I got it back after all that, and after making sweet love to it like only I know how in the sexy comfort of my closed garage, I was back in action and all like:
But sure enough, no more than 2 weeks later, not 1, not 2, but 3 lights came on at different point throughout the car, all of which meant fuckedville. And then i was all like:
So, back to the mechanic I went. And here is where the story diverges on two paths: 1 good, 1 bad. On a good note, I paid a total of 700 dollars to get the bad boy fixed (this was AFTER the mind numbing insurance war that took place to get it first fixed). And that cost never increased as the bad side of the equation took place: and that is that I had to keep going back to the mechanic over and over and over and over again as something had come loose in the wiring and he basically had to try everything he could not to take the car apart to find where the wiring issue was. Or something like that, mechanic speak can turn into gibberish if I listen too long, which is about the length of Kim Kardashian’s attention span.
The only thing that kept me sane throughout the whole thing was my aforementioned girlfriend (read the last few posts, douchenozzle). Building a relationship can take the edge off, especially in the beginning of the relationship when my girl has a decent car and I spend most of my time being all like:
I’ll let you use your imagination from there.
But a few weeks ago, I got the car back and this time, I think I’m good to go. You know how you can just feel that something is different. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but there’s defiintely something that feels like it’s fallen into place. And so my period of posting positivity continues with the revelation that Senor Cresh is back on the ballin trail in chick magnet of a hooptyride. And now things are smoooooooth and all like:
I left my phone at work. I never leave my phone anywhere but on my person.
Here’s the thing.
That’s part of my positive posse comment this week.
If you knew me, you’d know that’s a huge deal. I’ve had two exes that were horrible stalkers about going through my phone and all stuff. One was downright evil about it.
But now, life is so good, I don’t even care. My girlfriend now hasn’t looked through any of my stuff (or she’s a stalker ninja that leaves no trace of looking through stuff which makes her an evil genius).
It’s good to feel calm at a time like this. Give me a call and we’ll talk about it and the…..DOH!
I don’t know why it’s 3.0. It’s could be 323.0 for all I know. In fact, philosophers talk about identity being remade from moment to moment, it could be….yes, …yes….thank you for slapping me out of that discussion. I feel better now.
So, I promised to write some positive stuff, and I’ve got some good stuff to write, so sure why not.
I think the best way to address the lack of posts is to reframe that sad fact in a good light by giving you all an update on life. With that in mind, in numbered form, here’s what’s up in the world of Sleazy E.
1. Busy, Busy, Busy
I’m always busy. I always have been. But these days I’m super duper double whammy busy (copyrighted, bitches). I work a LOT. I go to LOTS of little conferences. And I do several things all at once with my job, so subtract about half the time I used to have for blogging and you’ll get kind of why I haven’t been around.
It’s good though because I’m having a good time doing the work. Maybe it’s all paying off or maybe I’ve just hit a period where things are more interesting at work than usual. Whatever the case, I don’t at all mind the extra work, which is a nice feeling to have.
2. Girlfriend, You Gotta Get Yours!
I. Have. A. Girlfriend.
So, if work is taking half the time I used to have to blog, a new girlfriend has been easily taking the other half.
I met a lovely young woman that, irony of ironies, I used to go to school with a long time ago. I literally have no recollection of her from back then, though she remembers me. (Romantic ain’t it. “Yes, you left no lasting impression on me. Want to play with my penis?”).
We’ve been dating for quite a few months now and it’s getting pretty serious. There are several things that make her different from my previous girlfriends (oh who am I kidding, The Evil Horde is what they are officially known as).
For 1, she’s EXTREMELY nice. That sounds like a common thing, sure, but it really isn’t. I mean, everybody is nice in the beginning. But believe you me, they ALL quickly stake out territory and let you know what lines you’d best not cross motherfucker lest you want to unleash the Kraken.
It’s not that my exes are bad people (though one was a goddamn monster, sure, I’ll give you that); rather they’re just so jaded, they think “putting up with” something they don’t understand yet, even for a moment, is a sure sign of encroaching misery and domination. It’s like if I pick up a weight to workout and a woman cowers as though I’m going to throw it at her and then tells me I have to not make such jutty movements. “No, I need to not be around you. Bye.”
But my girlfriend is so nice that literally if I ever meet another woman, fall deeply in love and want to run away with her, I would literally have to stay with my girlfriend because doing anything bad to her would make me feel like such a dick I’d have to kill myself. And really, wanting to kill yourself out of hypothetical shame is one of the great topics of love Shakespeare often wrote about along with anal beads and facebook stalking.
She listens, she tries to understand, she doesn’t hold back on purpose and she assumes things are being done with good intent. That may sound gullible, but it’s gullibled herself right into a grateful and happy boyfriend. Really, ladies, never underestimate the power of being nice. I refer you to this great philosopher on the subject: ”Being Nice.”
A second and associated reason Ive chosen to barrel full steam ahead with this woman is closely associated with her niceness: she’s just a good person. I know tons of people that know her and not one has even one negative thing to say about her save she chose a couple of douchebags in her past (now she has a 3rd douchebag. Yay!). What do I mean she’s a good person? She is such a good person, she considers herself last and always wants to make everyone happy.
Here’s an example of what I mean: One night she woke up crying from a nightmare. She was so sad. I asked why and she said she had dreamed she was drowning. I was like, “Yikes, that sounds awful. You must have been so scared.” She said, “No, I was fine with dying. But all I could think about was how unhappy the people watching me drown looked and there was nothing I could do to ease their minds. They were all going to be so sad.” Now THAT’S living for other people. My death? Fuck it, who cares. Take care of the grieving dbags instead.
And of course, she’s kind of a demon in the sack. It’s actually framed against her personality which is nice and sweet, which makes the sudden change to the dark vixen of Whoreland during sex all the hotter. ”Wait, shove what where? I’m slightly scared and turned on now.” It reminds me somewhat of those scenes in movies where you slowly see the person trying to get away from an unseen force only to be dragged back by their legs swiftly to their certain doom. ”Oh you want this don’t you, baby. You need it. You….Hey…. Wait… Do what?…Where? ….What are you doing?…..Oh my God, that’s disgusting…. It’s so unnatural and against God’s plan! …..Oh I’ve got to get out of here!… No…. NO!…..Help!”
Finally, and this is not an exaggeration, we NEVER fight. We’ve been together many months now and we’ve not even had a slight hint of a fight. Oh we’ve disagreed about some things, but nobody gets offended. It’s more like, “Hey, I know you don’t agree, but could you do this things instead of X. It would mean a lot.” ”Sure.” Or maybe, “That was a boneheaded thing to do.” ”Yeah, pretty much. I’ve gotta stop doing that.” And again, this all relates back to a sense of excitement and fun but also ultimately of peace in life, which is what we should all strive for.
And much much more. As you can imagine, we spend a lot of time together. In fact, from here on out, unless I say otherwise, any event I describe that has recently happened; just assume she was there. And this relates to why I haven’t been blogging a lot. Because, to be blunt, you folks are interesting, she’s interesting, freaky AND naked. She wins. Sorry.
3. Travel Awesomeness
I’ve been traveling a bit both working and not working so, I’m not blogging usually because i’m tooling around exploring the niftiness that is whatever town I’m in. (oh, mind you, there will be blogs about the trips. There. Will. Be. Blogs.). And yes, she’s been with me for most of the trips. I’m going to work diligently to write more blogs as I travel instead of slacking.
I have this thing where I don’t like people seeing what I’m writing before it’s done and that’s somewhat of a problem when she’s around. She’s respectful and all, but I just either don’t want to focus on blogging when she’s around or I don’t want to be a bad host. Again, I’m working on the solution to that conundrum.
4. Speaking of Writing
I’ve been working on a book for a while and when I’m not working a lot or seeing my girlfriend, i’m writing on that bastard. This is made worse as I started writing a 2nd book in the middle of this one after a weird night of drinking and inspiration. It’s a long story, but I expect to actually publish it by Christmas. I may or may not include a link to sale info if it’s done then. (I’m self-publishing because I don’t care if I sell it that much). We’ll see.
I’m also working on music and it’s going extremely well as there have been cool developments that would take quite a while to explain, so I won’t try. (cause I’m just too fucking cool, man.). But what it means is, again, blogging suffers, because with the one or two random days I get to do something besides the zillion things I work on, I’m working on new music. An exciting note is that one of the main riffs of my song will be appearing in a movie trailer and the movie itself upcoming. The movie is an indie film, but the rumbling nature of the song made the director (an old friend) want to use it. To be honest, i would’ve given rights to use it in a despicable porno, so the fact that it’s going to be some kind of real low budget movie is actually just icing on the cake.
Please refernce Type O Negative photo above for visual of the kind of scene I want my music to rumble during.
That’s enough goodness for today. As you can see, lots of exciting developments. I’ll try TRY to update more on here. I really kind of miss you guys. Holla if you hear me!